Plight of The Prands

By: Gianni | August 3rd, 2007

The Plight of said coach could refer to many aspects of his current personal, professional, or (insert adjective that starts with a ‘p’ here) life, but frankly I couldn’t think of any. To tell you the truth I didn’t try too hard, either; I just wanted an excuse to use that title.

Ok it’s out of my system now. Whoo, that felt good. Upon my return from many hours spent in medical center sitting rooms for my ~~therapy sessions~~ biannual check-ups, I was greeted with crap Fiorentina news, and not much of it either.

Today’s So-Called News

Well, maybe I’m being a little pessimistic. After all, recent Obinna-related rumors indicate that Moratti is actually allowing Chievo to sell their own player! Such benevolence, such chivalry! And to think I used to regard him as a slightly less pleasant organism than a tapeworm. Wait, one problem: now Chievo no longer wants to sell him. They’re screwing with me, I know it.

Obinna is sort of like Rapunzel, except instead of beautiful golden locks, he has (dread)locks. Well he could grow them if he doesn’t already have them. The tower he’s locked up in is Chievo, Moratti’s the evil stepmother, and The Prands/Pants is the knight in shining armor coming to rescue her. I mean him. We need to make that into a feature presentation, with Denzel Washington as Rapunzel. And I’ll stop here, because I’m sure Chris has probably used this same analogy at one point or another, and I really don’t need any legal troubles right now.

In Other News

Who needs Thiago Motta? We got Nikola Gulan. That’s right, Nikola Gulan. No, I don’t know who he is either.
Fiorentina have approximately -67 percent chance of nabbing Quaresma from Real Madrid or the British version of Real Madrid. Mark Gonzalez of Liverpool, according to many sources, has been designated as the alternative to the Portuguese Prodigy. Gonzalez is young, a lightning down the flanks, and was bought by Real Betis a month and a half ago. Don’t you get the feeling your IQ drops a couple degrees when you read Calciomercato journalism?
Marco Marchionni, our favorite tongue-twisting right-winger, broke his left foot. I’m telling you, someone up above does not want Fiorentina to purchase any more wingers. It’s not meant to be! Wingers, heed my call: get your names off Pantaleo’s little black book or suffer the wrath of Zeus!!!
Weekly reference to Greek Gods: check-a-roonie.

This isn’t really Fiorentina-related, but Sven Goran is attempting to create a formation entirely composed of Italian youth. You sick old bastard, what do you really plan to do with these innocent kids? Seriously, though, it’s alarming how almost half of Italy’s greatest hopes are currently playing abroad. What are we doing, turning into France? Churning out talent and shipping it off to satisfy the fetishes of ambiguous old coaches?! Never!

Man, this has got me worked up. More to come when news that deserve the name will become available.

*There’s still commenting problems, The Offside admin tells me it’ll be fixed soon, till then only writers can post. Sorry!